Eating less, is it working for me?

I have been having great difficulty with Calorie Restriction lately. My calorie count has steadily climbed up to around 1500 plus for sometime now. I became aware of it after I started using the cronOmeter again. That and the dead give away of not losing any weight for months and feeling bloated after dinner. What more clues are there?

At first I blamed a small gain on exercising. I have since lost it, so I felt I was justified in thinking it was muscle gain. I do know my thighs have grown a full inch. They are now 19". Not a good thing in my opinion. Now I have to work to get that darn inch back off.

I then blamed my new way of eating on the more calories and justified it with what I had read about eating raw. That it is so healthy you don't have to be concerned about counting calories. This is sooo dumb of me. I am supposed to be doing Calorie Restriction, of course raw calories count, crap.

The raw diet also says to eat dried fruit, no wonder I love that way of eating. They are my binge foods and I know it. But I can have them so I started buying dates, raisins, plums, figs all dried and packed with calories. I still crave them like crazy. I want to find a food that will satisfy me so I don't crave the darn shrivled up things.

I really, really want to get back to CR like I was for over a year. I had never felt better in so many ways. My body felt lean, my energy and moods were high and I loved every single day. I am feeling very tired and non social again. Very moody. I hate it. Worst part I am always hungry even after I have eaten my CR dinner. Yes, I still make sure I weigh my main meals. Then I grab fruit or nuts until I am full. My calories were done for the day with the last meal. I am not supposed to be eating fruit for a snack after dinner. Bad food combination and boy can I feel it.

I am very unhappy with myself and have been for sometime. I want to get back that CR feeling again. This is going to be just as hard as it was almost 2 years ago. It will be just like starting over on a diet again.

I haven't gained any weight but haven't lost either. I am pretty darn happy about that. I know I haven't messed up my metabolism at least. I can lose weight on 1200 calories a day. Maybe I fixed my metabolism by eating more and exercising. If so that is a very good thing. Lets hope so.

I don't want to be posting anymore bad news about me and overeating. I have to get a plan in place. Am I going to stick with eating raw. I do love the green juice. It is loaded with goodness. I could go back to eating eggs and cottage cheese. I had such good luck losing weight when I was eating them. I really do like eating raw and I get plenty of protein from it. It just isn't that full feeling like from cottage cheese.

I need to make my own plan and stop reading books that say I can eat stuff I know I shouldn't .
That is exactly what I did to lose 90 pounds. I want to lose 20 more and stay with CR forever. I have to get back in control. Wow, do I love that feeling. I hate what I am doing to myself right now. I know it isn't all that bad. I still eat very healthy and keep the calories in check, just not CR.
Soon, very soon I will be there.